Carrot cake is that odd-ball confection made with a vegetable but which we all love to eat. I frankly cannot think of another vegetable cake that I could eat, and I certainly wound’t enjoy it. The reason is simple: carrot cake is loaded with fat and sugar. And I mean LOADED. Traditional carrot cake is so calorie dense (i.e. delicious) that it’s lost any semblance of vegetable healthiness it may have once possessed. So how does one set upon inventing a carrot cake recipe that is healthier while maintaining its tasty appeal? Well friends, I think I’ve done it. I offer to you Mommy Perfect’s Healthier Carrot Cake.
As someone who hasn’t seen the scale dip below 160 in a long time, let me tell you it was not very enjoyable to read that 160 is what the average man weighed in 1950. I’m pretty sure that the average man in 1950 was a little bitch that I could beat the ever-loving shit out of, though. I am sick and tired of these damn cliches meant to make thick girls (like myself) feel better about their body types. “You’re more than a number!” I know I’m more than a number. I’m more like three numbers.
Fact is, I can kick some ass and put away some serious food, which are both activities I enjoy immensely. Yeah, I have some huge thighs, and a protruding rump, complete with a little jelly on my sides and front, and I bring the shake with them fries. Which, I don’t even eat anymore. That’s right. I stopped eating french fries. Do you think my thighs noticed? Fuck, no. They’re still huge. I’m built like a truck. I eat like a horse, because I’m constantly hungry. I crave all the food. I am not blessed with a discerning palate. I envy the picky eaters, because I wonder what it would be like to not literally contort with arousal whenever I see, smell, or even hear, food.
So to make sure I can still fit into regular-people-sized chairs, doors, and vehicles, I struck up a fancy for exercise. I go to a gym now which offers many classes at all hours of the day. The class is the same all day, but it changes from day to day. You can count on being tortured on the treadmill, on a water-rower machine, and with free weights – or your own body weight! I love it. I don’t love it. I hate it, but I love it. Whatever, the people are great and not everyone looks like Jillian Michaels. A lot of people at this gym look like Jack Black, actually. However, there are a good number of ladies who wear the apparel, and have obviously spent hours toning and maintaining their svelte shapes.
Today I took a seat on a water-rower next to one of these trim little harpies, and made a passing comment about how there was a very high probability of me pissing myself when doing the jump squats later on in this workout. She laughed, and glanced at all my rolls, dismissed me, and resumed her focus on the water-rower. It was time to dig in. We had all just finished a circuit on the treadmills and with some free weights. Now, we were to row 600 meters and do a circuit of 30 each of jump squats, squat-jacks, and squat calf raises. I reset my counter, and started rowing. I got into the music, which was a thumping rendition of some horrible pop song that had been overplayed on the radio to irritation, before it got remixed into something you’d hear at a club. I think it was, “Call Me Maybe.” Whatever. I timed my rows to the beat, and before I knew it, my 600 meters were done. Miss Trim and Perky was still rowing. Holy shit, I might beat her!
I launched into my circuit of tortuous squat jumps and of course, as I predicted, I nearly pissed myself. The consequences of being slack on my Kegels during my pregnancies. I can’t even enjoy a trampoline anymore. I finished that circuit, and even with slogging back some water and toweling my face, I was still ahead. Time to row again. This time 700 meters. I beat her again. I swallowed my smirk, and resumed the fucking squats that now stung my thighs much more viciously than before. I shook out my legs, and got back onto the rower. 800 meters. Done! Ha!
Take that, skinny bitch! I almost let those words actually escape my too-eager tongue. Instead, I did another circuit of squat jumps, jacks, and calf raises, and said nothing. I enjoyed the feeling of satisfaction that I got from knowing I was stronger in one area than that girl. I entertained the thought that maybe she’s recovering from an injury and that she just might not be on her game tonight. Too often, I was in that exact same spot. Forget that shit! I beat this skinny little twat through all the circuits and rowed an additional 500 meters after I was officially done! My legs were screaming at me, but they settled down to a dull grumble soon enough, and after I had stretched out, they had completely quieted.
I guess you can’t always tell a book by its cover. I figured this muscular, trim, energetic little bunny would out perform me, and I’m sure she thought so as well. Ha! I saw her clench her jaw every time I hit the target before she did. I bet she wondered how the hungry hippo beside her was rowing faster, and getting her circuit done more quickly when she was hauling all that jiggly padding around. I left the gym feeling quite pleased. I was, for the first time, victorious. And not for the last time, hungry.
Jessica Fletcher is a guest writer for Mommy Perfect.
Surely we all know that proper tooth care is vital, but it can be challenging with little ones. I’ve witnessed enough pediatric tooth decay and subsequent dental work (sometimes traumatic) to know without a doubt that following these tips are worth the time and effort to learn how to get kids to brush their teeth.
1. Start Young
As soon as baby’s first tooth comes through, start brushing it regularly with a soft bristle baby toothbrush (the “baby” ones flare out to prevent choking). Let the little tyke use it as a soother if he likes — get him used to it. Baby tooth paste is available that is safe to be swallowed by the very young ones, but isn’t entirely necessary. The important thing is to brush it often. The most current recommendations for use of fluoride toothpaste is no more than a ‘smear’ or ‘rice-size’ amount of fluoridated toothpaste for children under three years old, and no more than a ‘pea-size’ amount of fluoridated toothpaste is appropriate for children aged three to six. More on fluoride later.
2. Set an Example
Children are very big on mimicry, so let them see you brushing. Make it an activity that you do together: “See, we’re all brushing!” Give the child their own toothbrush to mimic you with. After they’ve had a turn to brush themselves, then its your turn to brush their teeth (to make sure it was done properly).
3. Even If They Fuss, Just Do It
They might fuss — just do it anyways. This is one of those things that needs to be done. As a mom it can be hard to forcibly do something to your child that is making them cry — just do it anyways. The alternative (tooth decay) is far worse than a few moments of crying. You’re not hurting them, and the moment you stop brushing they stop crying, so clearly its not damaging them physically or emotionally. Think of it like a dirty diaper in that you do it whether they cry or not because its vital. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way (at the pediatric dentist office).
4. Make It Routine
With children, routine is big — really big. Do the same things every day at the same time, it doesn’t take long for them to get the gist. This goes for anything. After you eat, you brush. Before bed, your brush. Before school, you brush. Make it routine.
5. Two Minutes
Dentists all agree that 2 minutes of brushing is necessary to get the job done on a mouth full of teeth. As soon as the child is old enough to tolerate 2 minutes of brushing, make that the standard. I’m not suggesting that 2 minutes is necessary for baby’s first tooth at 4 months old, but work towards that. Once all their teeth are in: 2 minutes per brushing session.
6. Use an Hourglass (or other timer)
You can get a 2 minute hourglass for under $1. Most kids are surprisingly fascinated with hourglasses and once that’s part of the routine they will gladly use it. There are also electronic alarm timers, flashing timers, musical toothbrushes that sing for 2 min, so use whatever it takes.
7. Pick Your Flavor
Some kids can be very picky about the toothpaste flavor. Some really hate mint (they think the tingle is “spicy”). If necessary, let them try all the flavors they want. Whatever it takes to get them to brush.
8. Brush After Acidic Foods
Acid is what attacks the enamel, leading to decay. If you give your kids anything particularly acidic, make a special case of brushing right after. For example, I have a close friend who is an extreme “natural/health food” practitioner and gave their first-born lots of vitamin C, in liquid and chewable form. (Vitamin C is a strong acid.) The child had massive tooth decay by age 2 and had to get his baby teeth extracted. So if your little guy likes to suck on lemons, eat citrus, or you give him chewable vitamin C, make a point of brushing right after.
9. Use Fluoride*
Fluoride prevents tooth decay. Use fluoride toothpaste: no more than a ‘smear’ or ‘rice-size’ amount of fluoridated toothpaste for children under three years old, and no more than a ‘pea-size’ amount of fluoridated toothpaste for children aged three to six. Even the “natural” toothpastes use fluoride. You don’t want your kids to swallow too much fluoride, but if they swallow a bit, do not panic, a little bit it actually beneficial. Any negative effects of swallowing fluoride can only come from cumulative over-ingestion — in other words it has to build up over time. Remember: most municipalities add fluoride to the water, so you and your kids have likely been drinking it for years. When the child is old enough to not swallow it, begin using a fluoride rinse like ACT Kids.
More on Fluoride:
Fluoride is a natural mineral found abundantly in water, soil and rocks throughout the Earth’s crust. Fluoride prevents tooth decay in two ways: First, it prevents the bacteria in plaque from forming acids that erode the tooth enamel and cause decay. Second, in areas of the teeth that have already been damaged by acids, fluoride builds up in the weakened areas and begins to strengthen, or remineralize, the teeth. Read more about fluoride at Medical News Today and American Chemical Society.
*In some alternative “natural/health” circles fluoride is considered bad. Some people think that fluoride is part of a global conspiracy to poison us all. Mommy Perfect isn’t here to litigate the merits of these theories. If you feel strongly that fluoride is bad, then do what you think is best for you and your children. Evidence overwhelmingly supports the use of fluoride to prevent tooth decay, which is the point of this article. Feel free to comment below if you have strong opinions about this matter. Even if you don’t approve of fluoride, I hope you adopt the other points above.
Disclaimer: this article may contain affiliate links.
We all seem to always be looking for the easiest, most painless way to get in shape. Its not as if we have five free hours every day to spend at the gym. The trick is to never let yourself go in the first place. I say trick because it is extremely tricky. It took me the better part of three and a half years to lose 70 pounds off my 5’4, medium frame. I weighed in at 237 pounds after delivering my youngest son, and I was devastated to see that number.
I was already working very hard on losing the weight I had gained from two previous pregnancies, when I found out I was pregnant again. I weighed 185 pounds in 2011. I gained over 75 pounds when I got pregnant with my very first child. I surprisingly did not have gestational diabetes or any blood pressure issues. I ended up being obese, but all my pregnancies were quite normal, no complications. After each baby was born, I’d succumb to my post partum depression. I would fall into the same habits of eating on the go, eating late at night, and eating because I was lonely and sad. My husband works nights, and he has done so for the entirety of our relationship. It works to eliminate the cost of daycare, and that is the only perk. My husband has gained over 100 pounds since we started dating 10 years ago. A lot of it has to do with the fact he can not get quality sleep. More of it has to do with portion control and an addiction to soda.
My husband had never become disgusted with me, the way many men do when their significant others pack on the pounds. Maybe this was because he also packed it on, or maybe he was disgusted, but he never showed it. Regardless, he never put pressure on me to exercise or order salads. He never failed to tell me he thought I was beautiful and sexy to him. I would try to see myself as he saw me. When I’d look into the mirror, I would look at my protruding, flabby stomach, complete with the shiny, purplish stretch marks etched all over. I stared at my enormous thighs, my deflated breasts, and my pudgy arms and wonder… what in the hell he was on, and why wasn’t he sharing? I decided to make a change. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, and I refused to be in any pictures with my kids if I could help it. I was ashamed of how large I was, and how ugly I believed that I looked. I rarely wore makeup. I almost never did my hair. A day that I showered would be momentous, when it came to trying to look decent. This is where most moms would say that their children deserved better, but if I’m being honest, this is where I told myself that I deserve better.
I wanted to look good, and I wanted to like myself. I didn’t look good, and I didn’t like myself at that weight. My kids could poop and puke on me to their heart’s content. They didn’t care what I looked like. They just wanted me to be happy. And to make them macaroni and cheese. I turned to the internet, and as internet searches are wont to do, I found a plethora of advice on how to lose weight quickly. How to get toned abs. A tight ass, toned arms, and a sleek figure. I wanted these things. My initial purchase for the sole purpose of getting in shape was a dance video. I didn’t even purchase it. I told my husband I wanted to get a Zumba video. I loved to dance when I was young, and a piece of internet advice that I had read instructed me to find something active that I enjoy doing. The video was called, “Cardio Hip Hop.” I did this video every other night, and I would be dripping with sweat and sore all over from exerting myself with only the moves shown in the video. The video was 45 minutes long. After a few months of this, I noticed a difference. As results tend to do, the results turned into motivation to do more. I re-joined the gym where I had been a member previously, and hired a personal trainer on the cheap to guide me into fitness. I found myself able to crank out push-ups. This gave me more confidence. I was lifting weights, and doing exercises I never imagined I’d be able to do. I’d never considered myself athletic, ever. I was now down to 200 lbs (from 237) and I felt amazing. I knew I had a long way to go, but it didn’t seem so daunting. I got down to 190 and stayed there for about a year.
Of course, no matter what I did I couldn’t get below 190. I counted calories. I reduced my caloric intake. That resulted in cravings and crabbiness. The scale was frozen. I had seen advertisements for all manner of fad weight loss cleanse products. None of them interested me. I knew I would lose weight quickly, and then gain it back once I dared reintroduce my regular food. No thanks. My doctor encouraged me to try a “fast” with emphasis on fruits and vegetables. This one encourages nutrition and forces you to create a habit of health. The fast was 21 days long and it got results. After 21 days of no dairy, no eggs, no nuts, no sugar, and 11 days without meat, I felt refreshed. I lost 7 lbs on the fast, breaking my 190 plateau, and have not seen it come back. I continued with my exercise regimen and ended up at my lowest weight in 13 years: 168 lbs.
I have learned that my body weight fluctuates very easily. I have fought so hard to keep my weight down below 180 for the last year. I took up jogging. I ran a 5K in public. I never imagined myself walking more than a mile without getting winded. I’m still new to running/jogging, and so the longest I’ve run is 5 miles. However, running long distances is not my goal.
Trying to accept my body for what it can do, what it has done, and being kind to myself are the bigger goals. I’m that chubby suburban mom out there on the trails with her earbuds in, periodically pulling up her ill-fitting yoga pants. Look closer and you’ll see me lip syncing to Nicki Minaj and Pitbull, pretending I’m 16 again and getting my groove on at the club. I’m taking it one day at a time. Some days, it’s moment to moment. Some days, I fall off the wagon, but I get back on it. Because I deserve more than excuses, and sometimes I even remember that and believe it.
Jessica Fletcher is a guest writer for Mommy Perfect.
